i don't even know what to write about this situaiton... doesn't it make you feel sad when your friends have to go through life and experience horrible things... that experience becoming ever more horrible when its something that you have gone through yourself?

take for instance my friend who's father died. yesterday he dropped me home, and all i wanted to do was go with him, he looked so miserable. but he zipped into the car so fast he didn't give me a chance. he's the strong one in the family, and i know what that's like... i was the strong one too.

unshed tears have a wierd way of changing into some other emotion, at least that's my theory. for my twin cousins it was the development of eating disorders: one became bulemic and the other got obese like the polar opposites they always were. after their parents died, they were "strong", or so my relatives said, and carried the burdon of grief. they never cried, they remained calm, they were the pillars of support for the grieving family, the ever present sun in a land of darkness... but after everyone else had moved on and no longer needed their light, they felt too late the bite of agony that was denied them. the unshed tears they had stored shrivelled one up and bloated the other... they had to be put into therapy, things were so bad.

so i guess this is a post about grief and tears. if you ever do loose a loved one, remember that even as the sun of the small world that has just gone dark, you're allowed to have an eclipse. and believe me, you should take it. and as for the other mourners who bask in the sun, remember that this glorious phenomenon is only a ball of gas and eventually it must burn out.

you must be wondering about me though... if i was the strong one, what did my unshed tears do to me?... well, i think that that's another post entirely.